This post could be entitled, “So many dumb bureaucrats, so little time,” but let’s have some fun and turn it into a contest. Which bone-headed decision by a local government best exemplifies mindless bureaucracy, politically correct nonsense, and government waste?
Contestant Number One is Sgt Brian Albert of the Baltimore County Natural Resources Police, who fined two men $90 each for the vicious, horrible, nasty crime of …(please don’t faint)… rescuing a deer. Yes, your eyes do not deceive you. Two hardened criminals used an inflatable raft to free a helpless animal, but they flouted the law by not wearing life jackets. Since I already did a blog post about a man being fined for rescuing a wounded deer, I guess the moral of the story is that bureaucrats don’t like Bambi.
Contestant Number Two is the Metro Police in Washington, DC, which has decided to harass random travelers by searching their bags before they board the subway. This is akin to the TSA’s mindless bureaucracy – but even worse. There surely are nut-jobs who would like to blow up Americans, but they could do that on a bus, on a crowded street during rush hour, or any other place where a large number of people are gathered. Heck, they can drive a car into a crowd. Good intelligence by the CIA and FBI is the way to stop these crackpots, not empty security theater that makes life more difficult for law-abiding people.
Contestant Number Three is the St. Paul School District in Minnesota, which has turned all schools into “sweet-free zones.” This ban also applies to salty foods, however that is defined, and deals “a blow to booster clubs and parent organizations, too, which won’t be able to sell hot chocolate, doughnuts, candy bars and cookies at school events.” I actually agree with Michelle Obama that American kids are overweight, but I also know that government intervention isn’t going to solve the problem unless we want a police state that bans video games, TVs, computers, and the other technological developments that are responsible for sedentary kids.
Contestant Number Four is Battlefield High School, in Haymarket, VA, which disciplined 10 unrepentant gang members. What did these thugs do to warrant detention? Brace yourself and make sure no children are looking over your shoulders, because these hoodlums belong to a particularly nasty group called the Christmas Sweater Club and they got in trouble for handing out miniature candy canes. One school administrator (Mrs. Grinch?) explained that “not everyone wants Christmas cheer,” thus turning Jay Leno’s parody into reality.
So who wins the prize? I’m not technologically advanced enough to include a poll with this question, so the only thing we can really conclude is that governments do dumb things. That’s true at the national level, the state level, and the local level.
I just wish I could write like Dave Barry. He had a hilarious column many years ago that was based on various examples of government stupidity. This post is more likely to make you cry rather than laugh, which is not good at this time of year. Nonetheless, feel free to comment if you think one of these stories stands out.
[…] shared plenty of examples in the post, even to the point of putting together two contests (here and here) to pick the craziest action by a local […]
[…] Jay Leno had the all-time best Christmas joke and the school bureaucrats in Haymarket, VA, win the prize for the all-time worst example of anti-Christmas lunacy. […]
[…] A local government stupidity contest. […]
[…] Bureaucrats in Maryland fined two men $90 each for not having life jackets when they had the gall to rescue a deer that fell through some […]
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Alaska; You can not buy ciggerettes until you are 19. I being 62 must show my ID at the Holiday stores to buy ciggerettes. A liqour store cant sell anything but liqour and beer and a very few snaks.
@Alice
I had similar experience. How am I going to defraud my account by DEPOSITING into my account is still a mystery for me. In my case, the bank had a lot of branches, so I did deposit my money, at the other branch.
Don’t try to pay for an 81 cent item with a dollar bill, a nickel and a penny unless they have a machine that they can enter all the values into.
This law is necessary because store owners cannot depend on their employees having a modicum of common sense. The people coming out of our schools are so uneducated they cannot understand anything if it is not by rote. But, they can be depended on to vote liberal, that is, if they vote. So, I suppose someone is profitting from the ignorance. I tried to deposit a check into my account while I was in Atlanta, only, the check had my first name and middle initial and my liscense was middle name and maiden name. The teller said I might be trying to defraud. The bank manager also said I could not deposit my paycheck in my account. I thought I had made a wise decision by choosing a bank that was in most cities. I asked how I might defraud someone by putting money into the account. I showed them my ss number and my voter ID, from Florida. All to no avail. When I called my bank they said they had the rules in place to protect themselves and their customers, but they expected their employees to have common sense. Good luck with that.
[…] Fining two men for rescuing an injured deer. […]
My license did expire, but I renewed it right before my 21st birthday so people trying to card me wouldn’t say my ID was invalid.
Pennsylvania’s under-21 licenses don’t expire at your 21st birthday? My Michigan license did when that happened to me. Although to be sure, there is something distinctly irrational about not accepting an expired driver’s license as proof of age. I never had that happen to me, but it did almost happen to a friend once, although only to the point of a waitress trying to guilt him into returning a bottle four of us (all impeccably carded, excepting his expired license which nevertheless established a legal age) were consuming. It was one of the more absurd in-restaurant situations I’ve ever been in, because even if the waitress was right to fear punishment the damage had already been done.
My story is not near as absurd as these stories but it was still state government being stupid.
I am from south central Pennsylvania. Being close to Maryland I often shop there because there are more stores and shops there (more than in my town).
Last night I went to a liquor store (being from Pennsylvania I thought Maryland was so innovative since the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania owns all liquor stores but not beer stores). I picked up an upscale beer and proceeded to pay for it.
However, my Pennsylvania drivers license was VERTICALLY ORIENTED because I renewed it just before my 21st birthday. The license is valid and now I am 22 years old. The clerk at the store would not accept it because of it’s orientation. My age didn’t matter. I complained and she pointed to a sheet showing the policy. I assumed this was a government regulation. Stupid and annoying. The government destroyed a small piece of commerce with this incident. Apparently in Maryland you have to be 21 and have a pointless horizontal license to purchase alcoholic beverages.
You need a fifth entry, Dan. The Multnomah County, Oregon, martinets who shut down a little girl’s lemonade stand and made her cry, all because she didn’t have a $120 business license: http://is.gd/jnJNm
The bloody-mindedness of the petty bureaucrat never fails to amaze me.