Writing for the Huffington Post, some guy named Jonathan Bines does a good job of poking fun at Republicans with a GOP-to-English dictionary.
His list of definitions is not quite as amusing as this video mocking libertarians (we should all learn to laugh at ourselves), but it’s still worth sharing.
Here are his best entries.
- Birth Certificate: An official birth record required of all US Presidents, regardless of race, since 2008.
- Christmas: A holiday commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ, now rarely celebrated due to persecution by atheists.
- Constitution (U.S.): The hallowed founding document of the United States, the text of which must be interpreted strictly and amended immediately
- Deficits: 1) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Democrats that threaten to bankrupt the country. 2) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Republicans that don’t matter.
- Hitler: A man to whom it would be inappropriate to compare President Obama in spite of the many uncanny similarities.
- Jesus: Charismatic religious leader and son of God; born in Bethlehem in the year 0; beliefs include love, charity, enhanced interrogation, privatized healthcare, elimination of the estate tax, and the right to carry concealed semiautomatic weapons.
- Liberal: A person who should be rounded up and shot but not really.
- Medicare: A fraudulent, socialistic boondoggle that is sacrosanct.
- Obamacare: A Federally-mandated policy to address the national oversupply of grandparents through euthanasia.
- Party (Tea): A grass-roots movement of patriotic Americans fighting for the principle of “No Taxation With Representation.”
- Racism: A form of discrimination that typically happens in reverse.
- Social Security: A redistributionist Ponzi scheme that is sacrosanct.
- Socialism: An economic system invented by FDR.
- Taxes: Levies imposed by the government that raise more revenue the lower they are.
- Welfare: A government program to distribute Cadillacs to unwed mothers.