Let’s Offset the Misery of the Tax-Filing Season with some Good Tax Jokes

Nothing can compensate for the misery of having your money seized by the IRS and sent to Washington where it will be squandered by vote-buying politicians.

But if you’re a fan of gallows humor, these jokes that people have sent me over the years may brighten your day.

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A man about to have a heart transplant was offered the choice of either a 26 year-old marathon runners heart or the heart of a 62 year-old IRS agent. He picked the agent’s heart because he said it had never been used.

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A university committee was selecting a new dean. They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a tax lawyer.

Each was asked this question during their interview: “How much is two plus two?”

The mathematician answered immediately, “Four.”

The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, “Four, plus or minus one.”

Finally the tax lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, “How much do you want it to be?”

Q: How are an apple and a I.R.S. agent alike?

A: They both look good hanging from a tree.

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Q: What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of I.R.S. agents do?

A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.

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Q: What’s the difference between an I.R.S. agent and a mosquito?

A: One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.

I want to join a violent, armed group with no regard for the law… but the IRS isn’t hiring.

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A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, “Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.”

“And what,” his friend asked, “Do you want me to do with your ashes?”

The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, “Now you have everything.”

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Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!”

“In that case,” replied the robber, “Give me MY money!”