Well, we didn’t get the shutdown, which I think could have been a key tactic to get more budget cuts, so let’s at least enjoy some one-liners about the topic from the late-night comics.
- A lot of people wonder what a government shutdown would be like. I think a lot more people wonder what a government running properly would be like. – Jay Leno
- The shutdown would mean that all non-essential workers would stop coming to work. I’m OK with that. Why do we even have non-essential workers? – Jimmy Kimmel
- It looks like we’re heading for a government shutdown. And you thought Joe Biden had nothing to do before. – Jay Leno
- The most embarrassing part is that by the weekend, our government could be shut down, but Moammar Gadhafi’s government could still be working. – Jay Leno
- Due to the budget impasse, the federal government may shut down next week. There will be another season of “Jersey Shore,” but the U.S. government is still up in the air. – Conan
- If Congress can’t agree on a budget by midnight Friday, the government will shut down. Democrats are demanding to tax all of the people’s money and use it to fund abortions, while the Republicans want to sell the country to Exxon Mobile and relocate gays to Puerto Rico. – Jimmy Kimmel
- All government services may be shut down next week, which could really make the DMV inconvenient. – Jimmy Kimmel
- It turns out the White House might have to lay off staff members if the government shuts down on Friday. It’s really bad news for non-essential workers — you know, interns, pages, Biden . . . – Jimmy Fallon
Last but not least, these aren’t shutdown jokes, but they’re worth sharing.
- President Obama said he plans on running for re-election against the Republicans. After the tax cuts for the rich, the bailouts for Wall Street, and the bombing in Libya, I already thought he was the Republican candidate. – Jay Leno
- President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate. – Craig Ferguson
- President Obama’s approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States. – Jay Leno