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Archive for May 27th, 2012

Who are the worst people in America? For sheer evil, I’m sure murderers, rapists, and child molesters belong at the top of the list. But if we’re talking about overall damage to society, it’s hard to imagine that any group is as counterproductive as politicians.

Whether they’re causing financial crises, undermining American competitiveness, crippling upward mobility for the poor, or giving away our money in corrupt vote-buying schemes, it seems that politicians have a reverse Midas touch.

That’s why I enjoy sharing the jokes from the late-night comics. It’s important to mock these pretentious windbags. So enjoy the latest batch.

Jay Leno

  • It’s been a rough week for Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg. Zuckerberg has lost so much money in the market that President Obama is going to have him replace Ben Bernanke.
  • The Center for Responsive Politics reports that President Obama has become the first politician in history to raise $1 billion in his political career. Imagine how much more he could have raised if people hadn’t lost it all in his economic plan.
  • Police in South Dakota arrested a 53-year-old man formerly from Chicago who’s trying to climb Mount Rushmore. The guy is in his 50s, from Chicago, and he’s desperate to get on Mount Rushmore. Oh my God, it’s Obama!
  • Just two weeks after a felon in jail got 41 percent of the Democratic vote in West Virginia, President Obama got embarrassed again in Arkansas yesterday when an unknown lawyer got 42 percent. See, that proves once and for all that there’s only a 1 percent difference between a lawyer and a convicted felon.
  • Congratulations to former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. The city of San Francisco has named a street after her today. It’s called Botox Avenue.
  • President Obama gave the commencement speech at Barnard College the other day. He told graduates their future is bright unless they want jobs.
  • Have you heard about Facebook co-founder Eduardo Saverin? He’s renounced his U.S. citizenship because it’ll save him millions of dollars of taxes — to which Mitt Romney said, “That’s what the Cayman Islands are for.”
  • President Obama is calling for more government reform after JPMorgan’s $2 billion loss. Really, is that what we need — the government stepping in? You know what’s going to happen? The government’s going to teach them how to lose $2 billion a DAY!
  • Mitt Romney has jumped to a seven-point lead over President Obama in a national poll. I think Romney’s starting to get cocky. Today he threatened to pin down Joe Biden and pull out all of his hair plugs.
  • President Obama was in Nevada this weekend. Finally some good news for the Secret Service — a place in America where prostitution is legal.

David Letterman

  • Facebook is worth $100 billion. Today it was friended by Greece.
  • Over the weekend Betty White endorsed Barack Obama. I think I’m going to wait and hear what Angela Lansbury has to say.

Conan

  • A new study shows current members of Congress speak at a 10th grade level. When reached for comment, Congressman Eric Cantor said, “Nuh-uh!”
  • A Republican official says that Mitt Romney should pick “an incredibly boring white guy as running mate.” When he heard that, Joe Biden said, “Thanks, I’ve already got a gig.”

Jimmy Fallon

  • Here’s an election update. Today Mitt Romney met with a group of wealthy Latino business owners. Or as Romney calls them, “the Juan percent.”
  • While attending meetings in Chicago this week, President Obama stayed at a hotel instead of his own house. It was annoying. When he asked for a wake-up call, they just showed him the latest poll numbers.
  • This week Mitt Romney started giving speeches while standing in front of a giant U.S. debt clock. When asked what it was like campaigning with a large electronic object, the debt clock was like, “Not bad.”

You can see previous collections of late-night jokes by clicking here, here, herehere, here, here, here, hereherehereherehereherehere, and here.

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I’ve written about the high cost of red tape, and have cited crazy examples of regulation run amok.

The list could go on forever, so let’s look at a new example of regulatory stupidity.

Back during the Clinton years, the pinheads at the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission tried to coerce Hooters into ending its discriminatory hiring practices. These clueless bureaucrats thought it was unfair that fat, middle-aged men weren’t properly represented on the serving staff.

In a rare victory for common sense, the EEOC eventually backed down, in large part because Hooters launched a public “get a grip” campaign to embarrass the government which included newspaper ads and billboards showing how absurd it would be to change the company’s hiring practices.

Now, as Yogi Berra would say, it’s deja vu all over again. The EEOC is agitated because a Massachusetts coffee chain apparently has hired too many attractive young women. Here’s some of what the Boston Herald reported.

South Shore coffee chain Marylou’s is singing the blues over a federal employment-discrimination investigation, crying foul that the feds are going after its long-standing practice of hiring bubbly young bombshells to peddle the shop’s trademark joe. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission has been quietly probing Marylou’s’ hiring practices for nearly a year, the Herald has learned, with investigators pulling reams of job applications, interviewing company brass and grilling the 29-store chain’s pink-clad clerks about their co-workers’ gender, age, race and body type, according to the company. …Katherine J. Michon, a Boston lawyer who specializes in discrimination cases, said the length and scope of the investigation indicates the feds are serious about cracking down on the company. …he company also complained about the probe to state Sen. Robert L. Hedlund, who blasted the EEOC as “a meddlesome, overblown, intrusive federal agency.” He said he plans to contact the local congressional delegation, and is dumbfounded the agency is probing the stalwart South Shore coffee shop. “Why, because they haven’t hired old overweight men who want to wear a pink T-shirt and serve coffee?” Hedlund said. “The federal government has better things to do with my tax dollars than to harass a legitimate business.”

What’s especially nauseating about this case is that nobody complained about discrimination. Instead, some moron bureaucrats got upset that the TV ads featured attractive young women. Here’s more from a follow-up story in the Herald.

She [the head of the EEOC] refused to answer general questions about the agency, which critics say has run amok by initiating investigations into businesses even if no one has complained about their hiring procedures. Marylou’s execs, for example, say the feds’ yearlong inquiry started when investigators saw the chain’s flirty TV commercials. Sandry said the groundswell of support for Marylou’s has remained strong since the Herald broke the news Wednesday of the yearlong EEOC inquiry, which company founder Marylou Sandry has called “a witch hunt.” “It’s been crazy, but everywhere I go people are cheering the girls,” Ronnie Sandry said. “Boy, people hate the government.”

I’m greatly encouraged by the last sentence in the excerpt. We should all be very upset that overpaid bureaucrats are harassing and pestering people in the productive sector of the economy. These leeches should be immediately terminated.

Even though I don’t like coffee, I wish Marylou’s had some branches in the DC area. I would find something to buy just to show my support.

P.S. In the interests of fairness, I should point out that the federal government is not the only entity to pursue idiotic regulations. California lawmakers, for instance, have considered rules to regulate babysitting. And since we’re on the topic of coffee, let’s not forget the Seattle campaign to ban scantily clad baristas. But the all-time record for strangest government regulation belongs to Japan, which actually has government rules on the application of coffee enemas.

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